Bewildered
by, Evan Jameson
It was a badly neglected
two up, two down
in a street that has since been demolished.
As usual, in those days-in my mind, it was sunny outside,
but we wanted to stay inside the house
energized by its shadowy ambience.
I remember a hole in the bare floorboards,
picking at it with my finger
wondering about buried treasure.
Starry-Eyes climbed over the back
of the tatty settee,
the only furniture left in granddads’ house.
‘There’s someone upstairs.'
She suddenly murmured
from behind the settee.
As soon as the words left her mouth
I knew who was in the house,
the house that only a moment ago held just us two.
Every part of my mind
told me not to go upstairs.
Just like everything else told me I must.
Starry-Eyes looked my way,
daring me not to go and investigate
and I climbed the stairs alone; reluctantly expectant,
while she left me for the sunshine outside
and never returned
to my childhood world again.
My memory
tells me the stairway was dark,
like a tunnel with a dim light at the end
Each tread croaked indignantly
beneath my light footsteps
and heavy heart.
At the top of the stairs I paused,
turned around and thought I saw a shadow
pass across the small hallway.
I listened for sounds of movement below
but the house was perfectly silent.
Like my breathing, everything had closed down.
Fearful of returning downstairs,
I chose the only other option left
and stepped into the bedroom where I knew granddad waited.
I’ve searched over and again
for memories of what happened
when I entered his bedroom,
but like sunlight on the wind,
whatever occurred
is beyond my grasp.
All I remember is seeing my dead grandfather
standing by the window looking utterly bewildered,
before everything faded and my memory went to sleep.
